I changed my life around, 110%. I put in 110% effort to get the grades I got. Yes, I messed up my grades (not terribly...but I did)...and I got out of university with a 3.2 GPA or so. When I got accepted in Illinois College of Optometry, I was so happy. In fact, I think even if the devil tried to entice me with the world to trade my optometry acceptance...I would have rejected him in a heart beat. Throughout my undergraduate experience, I mentored a lot of people....first years would come to me for advice, people that are the same age would come to me for advice..why? I worked hard, I was passionate, I was driven by the the adrenaline rush that pursuing the career of my dreams got me. I know my stuff, I did my research, I founded a student organization to share my wealth of knowledge. I revolutionized the way optometry was seen in my campus and spread that to another school. I even got my coworkers interested enough to pursue optometry with me. I raised awareness and raised money for vision programs so people who can't afford eyecare can get glasses...the number one prevention of blindness in poverty stricken places.

In that same year I got accepted, the only bank that would have given me, a Canadian a loan to go to school in the USA..shut down.

I can't go to school. I went to every bank... the banks want a house, and obviously, I don't have a house. My parents don't own a house. Even if we did a refinance for our house... we can't make the minimum payments for the line of credit anyway. Even if we could right now...my elderly father couldn't possibly continue working 7 days a week for the next 4 years. He got a stroke before... he'll die if he keeps working so much.

I was talented in art... I got my art classes taken away from me...we didn't have enough money.
I was talented in piano... I got my piano classes taken away from me... we didn't have enough money. Even though my piano teacher begged for my parents to let me continue piano..and my art teacher would just teach me for free...We couldn't possibly ask for that favor forever... so we gave it up.

No matter the circumstances, I pulled through, I made peace with myself...and I moved on stronger. I tried 10 times, 20 times, 100 times harder than before at something new. Today, I must say this is my last stop. I don't think I have a reason to try anymore... I have no more drive. It doesn't matter whether I decide to pursue law or nothing in the future...because optometry school was my everything... my reason to want a future.

All my mentored friends now have a place to go... they are either in optometry school, or are in some form of graduate program. They all thanked me for teaching them, for helping and supporting them when they were unsure of what to do. I personally think I did a better job coaching people than even the career counsellor in my school. The irony is...the chances are...I'll never get to optometry school. I'll never get to be a doctor. I'll try to be the best banker I can be....so I can pay my bills. Yes, I am forced to pretty much give up my dream.... but hey, dreams are expensive right? At least I put up a fight... I fought with everything I've got to get to where I'm at...and though I failed, I am, and would always hope for a better future.

If someone wins a million dollars tonight......Please think of me and give me a loan to go to school... I'd give the world for that.

I want to be a doctor. To be specific, I want to be an optometrist. No, to be exact, I want to be a missionary optometrist. .... today, I found out, I probably won't be any of the above because I am "too poor" to be a doctor.

I almost tear up, when I remember the day I told my friends and family..."guys, I got accepted to optometry school!" The day I thought to myself, I AM going to make free clinics, I AM going to use the money I make to build houses, give medical equipment etc, I AM going to donate as much as I can, and I AM going to do all these things without a whine or whimper because I AM called to love God's people and I WILL.

I went to 3 banks to ask for a loan for school. I worked hard, very very hard. I lost my social life, any fashion sense, pretty much anything that's somewhat important to most girls... because I needed to work hard in school. I'm not a smart cookie, I don't leave anything to chance, nor do I take anything for granted. So, I laboured day and night in hope that I would get accepted to optometry school. A career not only rewarding, but would allow me to help my family finally go above and beyond poverty so we can help other people who are as poor as we once were.

The good news: I got accepted to optometry school.
The bad news: I went to 3 banks and they all told me my family is too poor to allow me to be a doctor someday. That my parents are not doctors or lawyers like other med school students' parents. That I should work somewhere else instead. That, a projected income of $128,000 a year is not enough. I ask for a personal loan, and they say they can't trust me because I have no assets or credit.

The bankers pretty much told me I should just get a random full time job to sustain living and don't attempt the "unthinkable risk" of becoming a humanitarian optometrist.

Ever tried working for years and years for this 1 goal, and you're SO close to accomplishing your goal ... and then you realize, it was all a joke, and all your work was pretty much for nothing?

Yeah, I got that today.

Will I give up? Certainly not. Even if it takes me 15 years to become an optometrist because I have to save up money. I will do it. Getting the education to change lives is that worth it.

1. I just wanted to prove my writing ability to myself... I thank those who appreciated the humor. You guys would live longer, I promise.

2. I want to point out that I KNOW 34C is not a big deal in Europe/America....but it is to Asians. Chinese people jack up the bra size so people with the smaller boobies (majority) would feel like they have bigger breasts. Therefore, people with the actual size won't be able to find a (nice) bra in an Asian store. I guess it's the trauma from the past that still lingers in my head...it caused me to write on Xanga afterall.

3. I said "I remember walking in an ASIAN bra store" I didn't say I was unable to find a cute bra...it was just the Asian bra stores. I wasn't able to find one THERE. Seriously, caucasian girls would probably NOT be able to pick out a nice bra there. I'm not even exaggerating. If you don't believe me, try visiting Hong Kong. That being said, LaSenza rocks. Actually I managed to find ONE in a big department store in Hong Kong...it costed about 90 bucks American. So yeah, it's not fair.

4. I said I don't fit in any stereotypes, I didn't say I'd like to.

5. I thank all the 34C and above Asian girls that understand what I mean by it's a big deal when it shouldn't be. I understand that they're not "THAT BIG" obviously, there are bigger. That's the thing though, I'm not blowing this out of proportion, as everything I said has actually happened to me BECAUSE of my bra size. Size is all relative, really.

6. Thanks for all the advice on wearing clothes...I need it. It's so difficult to wear a tank top on a hot summer day without feeling like a slut when I walk outside. That, to me..sucks..so any ideas on that?

7. You know, honestly, this was meant to be a reality humor post... don't take it too seriously. I'm not struggling in a life or death situation, I just thought a good population of girls with big boobies might get what I'm talking about. Certain comments I get from fellow xangans show exactly what I mean, by girls going catty with me. WHY? It's XANGA for God's sake! 

8. I do not flaunt my boobies by wearing skanky clothing, at least, I don't mean to.  

9. Several people have written that I think about them too much.... I don't know how they would know this, as I only meant to write this as a humor/slice of life post. Not to mention, people with big boobs actually kinda know what I mean...it's not the actual size that matters, but how other people make you feel about them. Isn't that what xanga is for? To pour out feelings and (on datingish) vent about relationships in order to reach out to other people that might have a similar sob story so you can tell eachother "it's okay"???

10. Maybe it's not entirely my boobies and by junk-in-the-trunk...I actually walked out ..with a knee-length winter jacket and got the attention of a really nasty creep -_-;;. Maybe I'll save that mystery for another post.

11. I want to find a nice bra because I'm an artistic person, I express everything in colours and matching themes and whatnot. Underwear is for ME, not for other people... but I still want to feel good about 'em. How would you feel, if you walk in a store to buy your first wire bra to get that kinda treatment? I was in grade 8, so I would obviously not wear granny panties....Hence, why would I want to wear granny-style(or lack of style) bras? I was traumatized, because I didn't even know what cups and numbers mean...I needed advice, and the sales lady gave me crap.

12. So I guess the correct analogy for a guy is, if you were getting your FIRST car, and you ask the salesman for advice, but the salesman tells you "dumb blondes can't drive, they don't make nice cars for dumb blondes like you, so go that great-grandfather-hand-me-down-broken-tricycle instead." Does that make any sense? Your hair colour isn't the point, but it's the treatment you get because of it. It's kinda like how being Caucasian or having blond hair isn't such a big deal, until you live in some Chinese village in Asia, or Asians in southern Texas vice versa. I know it's not a big deal..it's the treatment because you're different.