Tuesday, 30 December 2008

  • What Went Wrong?

     

    It has been a few years since the incident, but it still hurts my pride. Someone tell me what went wrong.

     

    Rewind:

    Having decided to start a new life in university, forgetting all my past traumatic relationships, I went to a pool tournament hosted by a school club. I didn’t have any intent to look for potential mates. Really, I just wanted to go out and meet people. Then, there he was, in his Puma shirt. He resembled my ex a little bit… same physique, height, hair, but definitely more gentle. Upon watching me struggle with the pool Q, he came by to comment on my crappy skill. Somehow, by fluke, my partner and I got 4th place, and I was so excited I forgot about him almost immediately after.

     

    About a week later, a random Friendster message appeared (when Friendster was still cool ;) ), and he wrote, “Hey there, pool shark!” After that, we messaged funny messages to each other here and there. We then began to chat on MSN, and then on the phone…and then before you know it, we saw each other every day. I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship at first, and told him about how I’ve been hurt many times, he felt the same thing about himself, and we left it at that. He promised he’s not like the other guys, and even said “I don’t understand why anyone would do something like that to such a special girl like you.” I believed him, but little did I know…that of all people, he, Jon Tang probably hurt me the most.

     

    Time took its course, and I began to fall for him too. He always said the right things, always gentle, always kind. He knew me so well that he heard a click on my phone and asked “did you just look at a picture of me on your phone?” and I denied it (though I was), he said “don’t worry, I was looking at a picture of you too.” We were so happy together that we’d go out the entire day, and still talk on the phone until we fall asleep. Sometimes, we’d even see eachother right away when we talked until day break without realizing it. This went on for a month and some.

     

    I was originally his date for Valentines day. The day before that, he then suddenly referred to me as “friend” and “buddy.”  He even went as far as suggesting me to start seeing his friends romantically. He then told me he only thought he liked me, but it’s a mistake. He then went clubbing with another girl on Valentines day, and 2 days later, was officially dating her. He stopped talking to me completely. Upon questioning why, I was called “crazy” and “obsessive” and whatnot.

     

    Present:

    Now that we bump into eachother 3 years later… he pretends he doesn’t know me..and I, the same (What else could I do? Beg him to talk?). I’ve messaged him several times, just to ask how he’s doing, without ever getting a reply. I’ve tried to forget about it and deleted everything between us, including his number. I've found someone a trillion times better, and still, I cannot accept this sudden abrupt ending without an explanation. Is it because he’s a frat boy? Was he with another girl the same time he was with me? Is it impossible to be friends?

    What went wrong?

Comments (13)

  • TheBigShowAtUD@xanga

    well, perhaps the problem was that you believed based on only on his word.  what do you think you'd have done differently if you could redo it?

    ryc: that's a great analogy that i won't ever forget.  i like that.
  • abcdefghijklouise@xanga

    I feel like I just read my heart, if that makes sense. I'm in the same exact boat. A year ago my crush (and coworker) and I started hitting it off really well throughout half of December, January, and all of February. He even took me snowboarding on Valentine's Day (but didn't hang out with me in the evening, which is fine since we weren't technically dating). He was the first guy I genuinally wanted a relationship with after ending a 2 1/2 year relationship 2 years prior. In March, we went on a week long Spring Break snowboarding trip together with some friends. During the week we had a number of talks in which he decided he didn't know what he wanted in life and wasn't ready for commitment. I respected that and accepted the fact that I would have to wait for him until he is ready. For the rest of the week, we continued to hold hands and make out with each other.  Two weeks later, after not hearing much from him, he came into our place of work with his new girlfriend (yet failed to introduce me to her let alone tell me he had a girlfriend or was even SEEING someone else... I had to find out through another coworker who the girl exactly was). My heart instantly shattered.


    A year later, I'm happily in a relationship with a guy who I'm absolutely crazy about. But whenever bump into the guy from last year, my emotions instantly overcome me. All that anger and hurt resurfaces within me, and he instantly makes me week at my knees, and I can't help but be kind to him... even though deep down I want to rip his head off for never giving me the explanation I deserve.   I've come to the conclusion that unless he gives me the closure I deserve from him, he will always have a hold on me because of the unknown.  I can't explain it, but I understand completely how you feel.
  • Simply_Mizz_J@xanga

    ugh. i'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. guys can be such jerks.
  • peanutconqueror@xanga

    Very simple explanation.  His agenda was always to date you.  When you said you weren't ready for a relationship, that slightly derailed his agenda.  He continued to befriend you in hopes that you would change your mind eventually, but always keeping his other options open in case you don't change your mind.  Then someone else came along and so he went with her instead, rather than waiting for something that may or may not happen.

    Sorry to say that the whole friendship you experienced with him was probably driven by his desire to be with you.  Once that desire got filled by someone else, he lost his reason to be friends with you any longer. 

    Hope this explanation brings you closure.
  • HeavenlyTears@xanga

    I just lived that same relationship and crap break up. It's been over a month for me and I still don't know what happened. But I'm glad you were able to find someone better for you...I can't wait until I can do just that. I'd say let go of the past if you can- any answer you might get from your ex probably won't make things any better. Good luck with your future! =]
  • MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga

    @Simply_Mizz_J@xanga - yes... we can. So can girls ;). People can be such jerks. Sorry 'bouts that.

    What went wrong is always such an important question. You inspired me to write a post about it, instead of just commenting here. Check it out here:
    http://weblog.xanga.com/MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio/688311030/my-ex-left-me-for-someone-bett-worse.html
  • love_hate_whats_new

    @peanutconqueror@xanga - You know, that would have sounded right....but he told me that he's not ready for a relationship as well.


    -_-;; hahaha


    any other clues?
  • grace525@xanga

    I was just browsing through blogs & came upon your most recent entry re Mt. Fuji--haha funny. 


    As much as it sucks to hear this, (in regards to this post) that guy was probably interested in you + someone else at the same time. I was in a similar situation a couple years ago, and the shortlived "relationship" ended abruptly without explanation. FF 2 years, a mutual friend of mine told me what she had heard about the situation...and yea, he was taking his pick but couldn't man up to tell me the truth.


    But just remember this -in your situatin (& for your sake), it's his cowardly loss! So you go on with your badass self. :)
  • love_hate_whats_new

    @grace525@xanga - THANK-YOU... you were the first person to  give me a more or less reasonable answer


    At least I can have some sorta closure.... I wish he would be up front about it...ya know what I mean? hehe


    THanks
  • Brandon_lil_boy@xanga

    hmmmmm i guess not all guys can keep they're promises. I remembered telling this girl that I would be her friend no matter what. It was hard for her to fit in with everyone else because she was so depressed all the time. People didn't want to deal with her, but I promised that I be there for her. She would talk to me daily and she call me till we couldn't talk anymore. slowly but surely she fell for me...I didn't see that way now or before. I felt as though I hurt her when I told her how I felt. To this day, I'm still her friend but not anything more. I can tell she is depressed about not being with me but i don't like her that way. I guess I must have treated her in a way which she got the wrong message and she might have been like you thinking the same thing. But seems to be the guy was really hit on you alot, now that he is treating like that. It's a shame for guys like him to tell girls to trust him and gain trust. I at least kept my promise to this girl. I try to make her happy as much as I can.
  • peanutconqueror@xanga

    @love_hate_whats_new - He only said that because you said it first.  One of those, "Oh you don't like me?  Well I don't like you either!" sort of deals.  Regardless though, he's probably not the type of guy worth dwelling over.  He's worth forgetting.
  • yakko1@xanga

    Honestly, there's no need to bother with someone like that.  Anyone who plays dumb games like that is not worth the time, effort or thought.
  • love_hate_whats_new

    @peanutconqueror@xanga - What  coincidence. I said it because he said it first actually...

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