Thursday, 01 January 2009

  • Should we be friends? Or should I shut him out?

    I never really found out why we broke up, nor do I care to anymore.... I've moved on, to someone a gajabazillion times better. I suppose it's all subjective, but for sure those two guys are different.

    Still, I want to be friends with the X, because he knows me much better than other people, so he understands me better. He's also more mature so I can actually ask him for advice on important things. I just genuinely like talking to him because he's a good friend... really, but my BF HATES him... so...should I just shut out the X because of that?

    I know that my X gave me a really rough time in our relationship, but that was the past, it has already been almost 3 years since we went out, I just don't see why I can't talk to him. Is it so bad that I just want someone to cheer me up when I'm down? My BF was on a trip for the past 3 days, and right then, my family was going through a really tough time. My X called me to say Happy New Year, so I picked up and ranted to him.... was that so bad?

    I know my X is sorta passive aggressive and all....leading me on the way he did back then, but that was then (which is a whole other post), this is now. We're friends now right?

    I just don't know whether I should shut him out of my life just because my boyfriend doesn't like it when I talk to him...or whether I should just do what I want to do. It's not like I'm cheating or anything...not even mentally. I just want a good laugh, it doesn't mean I'd get back together with him because of that...or does it?

    I used to think it would be worth it to not talk to him for my BF, but when my BF can't even be there for me... what's wrong with talking to the EX..as a friend?

Comments (15)

  • wenDiies@xanga

    Hi There


    I go through a very similar story as this.  I still talk to my X because he is a good friend of mine, even though my boyfriend doesn't like him.  I do tell my boyfriend times and times again that my X is a good guy and that we are just gonna be "friends". Maybe try telling your boyfriend that your X and you broke up for a reason, and therefore will always remain friends.


    - Wendy
  • firstlovecannotbeerased

    same problem here. every now n then my ex briefly talk even though my bf doesn't like the guy. i know where u r coming from about how ur ex kinda gives u comfort when there is no when there for u but that can be tricky especially when u n ur bf get into a fight n u have no one else to turn to beside ur ex. while he consoles u, u will think of the past and analyze and compare the relationship between u n ur bf to that of u n the ex. in conclusion, just confirm with ur bf that there is a reason y u n ur ex are the thing of the past. at the same time u should limit ur communication with ur ex as well.  
  • chameleon121

    i tooooootally understand how you feel.. i go through the same issue.. but it would be a problem if I wasn't allowed to talk to my ex because my bf didnt want me talking to him.. he serves as a compass for me.. knows me better than anyone else, so to have that taken away from me would be like taking a piece of my foundation away... and then my current relationship would feel like it is all 100% me involved because im avoiding the ex...
    though i do know that there are residual feelings for my ex, so i can't vouch for communication all the time.. just know for sure why u want him around before you begin an emotional tug-of-war.
  • salamone27@xanga

    a guy perspective.... bull shit.. it is all lies only reason people stay friends with their ex is because they have feelings..

    your saying that your boyfriend isn't their for you so why can't you go and talk to your ex (he is a guy) no matter what you say and how mature he is all guys pretty much want to know if they can still their ex back if they wanted to..

    i'm a passive person, don't want to fight or anything, but if my gf was talking to her ex behind my back. their would be serious problems ( i would not touch her, but him would be a different story )

    how would you feel if you all of a sudden found out that your bf was still talking to his ex or a girl that you didn't like?

    doesn't matter if it is your ex or any other opposite sex.. people in general don't like it. the ex is just that you already (most likely) have had sexual relations with him/her and if it isn't an ex but you are talking to someone behind their back why are you hiding it?? trust will be lost
  • love_hate_whats_new

    @salamone27@xanga - ...
    I tell my bf everytime we talk, and exactly what we talked about, so...it's not "behind his back." Second, my ex was the one that dumped me in the first place..TWICE... so I know for sure, he doesn't want me back, and no way in hell I would be such a sucker to go back to someone like that... he's just one of those guys that can be the most amazing friend but suck terribly bad at being a boyfriend.

    So are you saying that you shouldn't be friends with someone on the basis that your SO hates them? If your ex has done you wrong and wants to be there for you as a friend, if you've forgiven her... would you hang up on her when she called you just to say happy new year?

  • salamone27@xanga

    it isn't that i would hang up, but it hardly ever works out. something always happen. I seen my friend who was constantly cheated on over and over on... when they talked again it they did stuff. i know a bunch of people who have done that.

    i'm not saying write him off, but i would keep the contact limited? usually gf/bf don't like their bf/gf having best friends that are the opposite sex. not to say it can't but everyone is a hypocrite when it comes to their bf/gf....

    and to let you know just because he doesn't want to date you doesn't mean that he is not sexualy attracted to you.... that is where problem occurs people know they don't want to date the other, but are still physically attracted to him/her..
    I would say just limit contact.... cause if you start to talk to the opposite sex more than your bf jealousy will most likely occur. that is my opinion though so good luck to you
  • love_hate_whats_new

    @salamone27@xanga - Thanks :) haha to be honest..I think I talk to the guy about twice a year....maybe 15 minutes at a time to catch up and stuff... But yeah, I agree that if I talk to him more than my bf, there's an issue... Seriously, who does that??? That's HORRIBLE!


    But damn..u serious about the sexual attraction thing??? That really sucks... for him that is HAHAHA XD
  • edgarALL3Npoe@xanga

    hope i dont become an ex today wish me luck!
  • hahaheidi@xanga

    i think you should keep talking to people that understand you best. :) good luck! i hope it works out :0)
  • xxjasminetxx@xanga

    girl. add me on msn. i needa talk to u :) u seem pretty lost and i might be able to help u out a bit. hehe and i actually wanna talk to u about ur previous entry about asians having big boobs. im asian. im 34c too

    ichigo_jas@hotmail.com

    xx
    Jasmine<3 :)
  • How2BeAsian@xanga

    You should think how would you feel if your bf talk to his Xs and being close to them.  Would you get insecure or jealous?  Maybe that is just how he feels.
  • newbi@xanga

    well once or twice a year is fine..thats nothing.. but if it gets to remotely close to the amount u talk to ur bf then thats a problem.. and anyone would get insecure about that (its prolly a guy thing, but its true..) .. its just sometimes its not ur bf doesnt trust u.. its more like ur bf doesnt trust the guy (whether the guy is an ex or someone who tries to get close to u) . guys don't trust guys , esp in that kinda territory is because we (guys) know how other guys are like.. things that guys wont show u for the obvious reasons. 

  • B1ANCACACA@xanga

    I still talk to my ex boyfriend from a few years back.  He's the one person i know i can go to whenever I need someone to talk to.  Even if i'm crying over a boyfriend, he is there to listen.  He was a terrible boyfriend, but he's been an amazing friend to me.  If you're 100% positive you wouldn't get back with your ex, I say you keep talking to him ;]
  • wonderlandwalker@xanga

    Hi.
    I'm jealous of your relationships. And I wish I could commit to you. But since I can't and I want to love you, then I think you need to choose who you love.
  • SkinnyJeansPlz@xanga

    Hm.  That's a tough one.  My best friend is actually in the same situation...Except one time when she did start talking to her ex-boyfriend while dating her current one, she cheated on him.  She regrets it, of course, and thankfully the relationship was saved.  However, she's started to talk to the ex again....and her boyfriend doesn't really appreciate it.  She feels that it's her life and she can do what she want...and I agree, but I feel like she should care more about who she is with.  I guess her situation and yours is slightly different seeing as talking to your ex didn't lead to you cheating.......

    You are totally open with your boyfriend about what you talk about with your ex...so as long as it stays open and innocent, there should be no problem. But maybe you should look at it from you boyfriend's point of view.  Think of it this way:  Would you want him talking to an ex-girlfriend that you absolutely hated?  Even if he was honest and whatnot, wouldn't you hate the idea of that little b*tch talking to your man?  ..Like, he might trust you completely, but he just doesn't trust this guy and what is going on in his mind.

    I'm subbing, if you don't mind.  Your blog is very interesting.

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)

  • New! You can now edit your comments for 15 minutes after submitting.