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Wednesday, 31 December 2008
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How my big boobs ruined my life.
I supposed I can't blame it all on the breasts, they're here for a purpose; bring on the squishy, jiggly fun. They even keep my hands warm sometimes... but they attracted all the attention I DIDN'T need.
See, I'm Asian, so apparently 34C is a BIG BIG BIG deal (did I stress that enough?) for Asians. I always get stares and every time my purse strap gets caught in my cleavage, I make people walk into things. It's impossible to get guys to see me for who I am, I can never be the "funny girl" or the "smart girl" ...I'm always gonna be the pretty lil' Asian girl with "big" boobs.I remember walking into an Asian bra store. The owner of the store said (and I quote, in translation by verbatum) "they're monstrous!!! Too big! How? What do you eat?" and quickly directed me to the section where pregnant ladies buy ugly bras. All the cute ones with pretty designs are restricted to B cup. My poor boobies were like outcasts, even at a bra store.
For fun, my friends wanted to give our boobs nicknames; person A had "mosquito bites," person B had "hills" and I was obviously Mt. Fuji of boobies
(I'll get to Mt. Everest when I'm pregnant someday). I hate that, I really do.So now that I got that out of the way, let me explain how being cute, sexy and owning big boobs and a nice badunkadunk has screwed me over.
1. GUYS: I've probably had all the guys I've ever liked have crushes on me at one point of my life for all the wrong reasons. If I want someone to see me romantically, he has to at least see ME, not my boobs, not my junk-in-the-trunk, but ME. The boobs make this impossible, even when I wear a turtleneck sweater. I try to hide it, but they're just there in my face, and ultimately, in theirs. It's impossible to talk to them, as their ears are all shut, their eyes are always looking somewhere they're not supposed to, and their pen-15 is up waving hello.
2. GIRLS: All my closest friends were at one point jealous of me, and have done something to harm me for things I could not control. Guys like to hang out with me, chill with me, look at me, hit on me...and completely ignore them. Is it my fault? It's not like I want this kind of attention, but I've been hated on so many times by so many girls just because of my appearance. It's not fair, I'd rather be average just so I can have less haters. I hardly need a fan club made of horny guys. Seriously, if I know my best friend likes a guy, I would NOT date him...just for that, I deserve SOME better treatment right? Girls are EXTRA catty with me, this pretty much explains why I have no close female friends at the moment.
3.RELATIONSHIPS: Once a guy actually gets to knowing me, and sees me for someone that was more than they initially thought (ie - "dude, she's hot, I'll get laid, and ditch"), they leave me to spare their guilt that I'm actually someone more than that. I'm that well-packaged toy at the toy store, sorta like the PS3. Kids will always run up to me, push the "try me" button, play games with me, and attempt to score points with me, but only a select few would actually care to pay to take it home. Expense is commitment. Good guys who are willing to commit flee from me expecting me to be a cheater. Guys who don't want to commit come to me expecting me to get them laid, only to get disappointed, and so they stop talking to me.
I'm just an average being, I like talks, long walks on the beach, videogames, and get random cravings at night. I'm definitely all for marriage and monogamy. I even want to be a doctor someday. Why is it that pretty girls with a nice body always have to fit into some "skanky" stereotype? I can have boobs and brains too, I'm getting the degree to prove it. Sometimes, I wish I could just be an A or B cup, at least I can wear a pushup bra or something if I want fuller looking breasts.
What can I do to get the right attention that I deserve?I'm trying to appreciate my body as much as I can, as I can't seem to fit in ANY Asian stereotypes....but guys are making this so hard for me. What should I do?
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
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What Went Wrong?
It has been a few years since the incident, but it still hurts my pride. Someone tell me what went wrong.
Rewind:
Having decided to start a new life in university, forgetting all my past traumatic relationships, I went to a pool tournament hosted by a school club. I didn’t have any intent to look for potential mates. Really, I just wanted to go out and meet people. Then, there he was, in his Puma shirt. He resembled my ex a little bit… same physique, height, hair, but definitely more gentle. Upon watching me struggle with the pool Q, he came by to comment on my crappy skill. Somehow, by fluke, my partner and I got 4th place, and I was so excited I forgot about him almost immediately after.
About a week later, a random Friendster message appeared (when Friendster was still cool ;) ), and he wrote, “Hey there, pool shark!” After that, we messaged funny messages to each other here and there. We then began to chat on MSN, and then on the phone…and then before you know it, we saw each other every day. I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship at first, and told him about how I’ve been hurt many times, he felt the same thing about himself, and we left it at that. He promised he’s not like the other guys, and even said “I don’t understand why anyone would do something like that to such a special girl like you.” I believed him, but little did I know…that of all people, he, Jon Tang probably hurt me the most.
Time took its course, and I began to fall for him too. He always said the right things, always gentle, always kind. He knew me so well that he heard a click on my phone and asked “did you just look at a picture of me on your phone?” and I denied it (though I was), he said “don’t worry, I was looking at a picture of you too.” We were so happy together that we’d go out the entire day, and still talk on the phone until we fall asleep. Sometimes, we’d even see eachother right away when we talked until day break without realizing it. This went on for a month and some.
I was originally his date for Valentines day. The day before that, he then suddenly referred to me as “friend” and “buddy.” He even went as far as suggesting me to start seeing his friends romantically. He then told me he only thought he liked me, but it’s a mistake. He then went clubbing with another girl on Valentines day, and 2 days later, was officially dating her. He stopped talking to me completely. Upon questioning why, I was called “crazy” and “obsessive” and whatnot.
Present:
Now that we bump into eachother 3 years later… he pretends he doesn’t know me..and I, the same (What else could I do? Beg him to talk?). I’ve messaged him several times, just to ask how he’s doing, without ever getting a reply. I’ve tried to forget about it and deleted everything between us, including his number. I've found someone a trillion times better, and still, I cannot accept this sudden abrupt ending without an explanation. Is it because he’s a frat boy? Was he with another girl the same time he was with me? Is it impossible to be friends?
What went wrong?
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Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"
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- Member Since: 12/30/2008
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I'll be busy studying for my Optometry Admission Test in order to become a missionary optometrist someday. Wish me luck guys.
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