love_hate_whats_new's Datingish

The power of I AM and I WILL

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:50:18 GMT

I want to be a doctor. To be specific, I want to be an optometrist. No, to be exact, I want to be a missionary optometrist. .... today, I found out, I probably won't be any of the above because I am "too poor" to be a doctor.

I almost tear up, when I remember the day I told my friends and family..."guys, I got accepted to optometry school!" The day I thought to myself, I AM going to make free clinics, I AM going to use the money I make to build houses, give medical equipment etc, I AM going to donate as much as I can, and I AM going to do all these things without a whine or whimper because I AM called to love God's people and I WILL.

I went to 3 banks to ask for a loan for school. I worked hard, very very hard. I lost my social life, any fashion sense, pretty much anything that's somewhat important to most girls... because I needed to work hard in school. I'm not a smart cookie, I don't leave anything to chance, nor do I take anything for granted. So, I laboured day and night in hope that I would get accepted to optometry school. A career not only rewarding, but would allow me to help my family finally go above and beyond poverty so we can help other people who are as poor as we once were.

The good news: I got accepted to optometry school.
The bad news: I went to 3 banks and they all told me my family is too poor to allow me to be a doctor someday. That my parents are not doctors or lawyers like other med school students' parents. That I should work somewhere else instead. That, a projected income of $128,000 a year is not enough. I ask for a personal loan, and they say they can't trust me because I have no assets or credit.

The bankers pretty much told me I should just get a random full time job to sustain living and don't attempt the "unthinkable risk" of becoming a humanitarian optometrist.

Ever tried working for years and years for this 1 goal, and you're SO close to accomplishing your goal ... and then you realize, it was all a joke, and all your work was pretty much for nothing?

Yeah, I got that today.

Will I give up? Certainly not. Even if it takes me 15 years to become an optometrist because I have to save up money. I will do it. Getting the education to change lives is that worth it.

RE: How My Big Boobs Ruined My Life

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:54:33 GMT

1. I just wanted to prove my writing ability to myself... I thank those who appreciated the humor. You guys would live longer, I promise.

2. I want to point out that I KNOW 34C is not a big deal in Europe/America....but it is to Asians. Chinese people jack up the bra size so people with the smaller boobies (majority) would feel like they have bigger breasts. Therefore, people with the actual size won't be able to find a (nice) bra in an Asian store. I guess it's the trauma from the past that still lingers in my head...it caused me to write on Xanga afterall.

3. I said "I remember walking in an ASIAN bra store" I didn't say I was unable to find a cute bra...it was just the Asian bra stores. I wasn't able to find one THERE. Seriously, caucasian girls would probably NOT be able to pick out a nice bra there. I'm not even exaggerating. If you don't believe me, try visiting Hong Kong. That being said, LaSenza rocks. Actually I managed to find ONE in a big department store in Hong Kong...it costed about 90 bucks American. So yeah, it's not fair.

4. I said I don't fit in any stereotypes, I didn't say I'd like to.

5. I thank all the 34C and above Asian girls that understand what I mean by it's a big deal when it shouldn't be. I understand that they're not "THAT BIG" obviously, there are bigger. That's the thing though, I'm not blowing this out of proportion, as everything I said has actually happened to me BECAUSE of my bra size. Size is all relative, really.

6. Thanks for all the advice on wearing clothes...I need it. It's so difficult to wear a tank top on a hot summer day without feeling like a slut when I walk outside. That, to me..sucks..so any ideas on that?

7. You know, honestly, this was meant to be a reality humor post... don't take it too seriously. I'm not struggling in a life or death situation, I just thought a good population of girls with big boobies might get what I'm talking about. Certain comments I get from fellow xangans show exactly what I mean, by girls going catty with me. WHY? It's XANGA for God's sake!

8. I do not flaunt my boobies by wearing skanky clothing, at least, I don't mean to.

9. Several people have written that I think about them too much.... I don't know how they would know this, as I only meant to write this as a humor/slice of life post. Not to mention, people with big boobs actually kinda know what I mean...it's not the actual size that matters, but how other people make you feel about them. Isn't that what xanga is for? To pour out feelings and (on datingish) vent about relationships in order to reach out to other people that might have a similar sob story so you can tell eachother "it's okay"???

10. Maybe it's not entirely my boobies and by junk-in-the-trunk...I actually walked out ..with a knee-length winter jacket and got the attention of a really nasty creep -_-;;. Maybe I'll save that mystery for another post.

11. I want to find a nice bra because I'm an artistic person, I express everything in colours and matching themes and whatnot. Underwear is for ME, not for other people... but I still want to feel good about 'em. How would you feel, if you walk in a store to buy your first wire bra to get that kinda treatment? I was in grade 8, so I would obviously not wear granny panties....Hence, why would I want to wear granny-style(or lack of style) bras? I was traumatized, because I didn't even know what cups and numbers mean...I needed advice, and the sales lady gave me crap.

12. So I guess the correct analogy for a guy is, if you were getting your FIRST car, and you ask the salesman for advice, but the salesman tells you "dumb blondes can't drive, they don't make nice cars for dumb blondes like you, so go that great-grandfather-hand-me-down-broken-tricycle instead." Does that make any sense? Your hair colour isn't the point, but it's the treatment you get because of it. It's kinda like how being Caucasian or having blond hair isn't such a big deal, until you live in some Chinese village in Asia, or Asians in southern Texas vice versa. I know it's not a big deal..it's the treatment because you're different.

Should we be friends? Or should I shut him out?

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:08:04 GMT

I never really found out why we broke up, nor do I care to anymore.... I've moved on, to someone a gajabazillion times better. I suppose it's all subjective, but for sure those two guys are different.

Still, I want to be friends with the X, because he knows me much better than other people, so he understands me better. He's also more mature so I can actually ask him for advice on important things. I just genuinely like talking to him because he's a good friend... really, but my BF HATES him... so...should I just shut out the X because of that?

I know that my X gave me a really rough time in our relationship, but that was the past, it has already been almost 3 years since we went out, I just don't see why I can't talk to him. Is it so bad that I just want someone to cheer me up when I'm down? My BF was on a trip for the past 3 days, and right then, my family was going through a really tough time. My X called me to say Happy New Year, so I picked up and ranted to him.... was that so bad?

I know my X is sorta passive aggressive and all....leading me on the way he did back then, but that was then (which is a whole other post), this is now. We're friends now right?

I just don't know whether I should shut him out of my life just because my boyfriend doesn't like it when I talk to him...or whether I should just do what I want to do. It's not like I'm cheating or anything...not even mentally. I just want a good laugh, it doesn't mean I'd get back together with him because of that...or does it?

I used to think it would be worth it to not talk to him for my BF, but when my BF can't even be there for me... what's wrong with talking to the EX..as a friend?

How my big boobs ruined my life.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:56:10 GMT

I supposed I can't blame it all on the breasts, they're here for a purpose; bring on the squishy, jiggly fun. They even keep my hands warm sometimes... but they attracted all the attention I DIDN'T need.
See, I'm Asian, so apparently 34C is a BIG BIG BIG deal (did I stress that enough?) for Asians. I always get stares and every time my purse strap gets caught in my cleavage, I make people walk into things. It's impossible to get guys to see me for who I am, I can never be the "funny girl" or the "smart girl" ...I'm always gonna be the pretty lil' Asian girl with "big" boobs.

I remember walking into an Asian bra store. The owner of the store said (and I quote, in translation by verbatum) "they're monstrous!!! Too big! How? What do you eat?" and quickly directed me to the section where pregnant ladies buy ugly bras. All the cute ones with pretty designs are restricted to B cup. My poor boobies were like outcasts, even at a bra store.

For fun, my friends wanted to give our boobs nicknames; person A had "mosquito bites," person B had "hills" and I was obviously Mt. Fuji of boobies (I'll get to Mt. Everest when I'm pregnant someday). I hate that, I really do.

So now that I got that out of the way, let me explain how being cute, sexy and owning big boobs and a nice badunkadunk has screwed me over.

1. GUYS: I've probably had all the guys I've ever liked have crushes on me at one point of my life for all the wrong reasons. If I want someone to see me romantically, he has to at least see ME, not my boobs, not my junk-in-the-trunk, but ME. The boobs make this impossible, even when I wear a turtleneck sweater. I try to hide it, but they're just there in my face, and ultimately, in theirs. It's impossible to talk to them, as their ears are all shut, their eyes are always looking somewhere they're not supposed to, and their pen-15 is up waving hello.

2. GIRLS: All my closest friends were at one point jealous of me, and have done something to harm me for things I could not control. Guys like to hang out with me, chill with me, look at me, hit on me...and completely ignore them. Is it my fault? It's not like I want this kind of attention, but I've been hated on so many times by so many girls just because of my appearance. It's not fair, I'd rather be average just so I can have less haters. I hardly need a fan club made of horny guys. Seriously, if I know my best friend likes a guy, I would NOT date him...just for that, I deserve SOME better treatment right? Girls are EXTRA catty with me, this pretty much explains why I have no close female friends at the moment.

3.RELATIONSHIPS: Once a guy actually gets to knowing me, and sees me for someone that was more than they initially thought (ie - "dude, she's hot, I'll get laid, and ditch"), they leave me to spare their guilt that I'm actually someone more than that. I'm that well-packaged toy at the toy store, sorta like the PS3. Kids will always run up to me, push the "try me" button, play games with me, and attempt to score points with me, but only a select few would actually care to pay to take it home. Expense is commitment. Good guys who are willing to commit flee from me expecting me to be a cheater. Guys who don't want to commit come to me expecting me to get them laid, only to get disappointed, and so they stop talking to me.

I'm just an average being, I like talks, long walks on the beach, videogames, and get random cravings at night. I'm definitely all for marriage and monogamy. I even want to be a doctor someday. Why is it that pretty girls with a nice body always have to fit into some "skanky" stereotype? I can have boobs and brains too, I'm getting the degree to prove it. Sometimes, I wish I could just be an A or B cup, at least I can wear a pushup bra or something if I want fuller looking breasts.

What can I do to get the right attention that I deserve?I'm trying to appreciate my body as much as I can, as I can't seem to fit in ANY Asian stereotypes....but guys are making this so hard for me. What should I do?

What Went Wrong?

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:14:23 GMT

It has been a few years since the incident, but it still hurts my pride. Someone tell me what went wrong.

Rewind:

Having decided to start a new life in university, forgetting all my past traumatic relationships, I went to a pool tournament hosted by a school club. I didn’t have any intent to look for potential mates. Really, I just wanted to go out and meet people. Then, there he was, in his Puma shirt. He resembled my ex a little bit… same physique, height, hair, but definitely more gentle. Upon watching me struggle with the pool Q, he came by to comment on my crappy skill. Somehow, by fluke, my partner and I got 4^th place, and I was so excited I forgot about him almost immediately after.

About a week later, a random Friendster message appeared (when Friendster was still cool ;) ), and he wrote, “Hey there, pool shark!” After that, we messaged funny messages to each other here and there. We then began to chat on MSN, and then on the phone…and then before you know it, we saw each other every day. I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship at first, and told him about how I’ve been hurt many times, he felt the same thing about himself, and we left it at that. He promised he’s not like the other guys, and even said “I don’t understand why anyone would do something like that to such a special girl like you.” I believed him, but little did I know…that of all people, he, Jon Tang probably hurt me the most.

Time took its course, and I began to fall for him too. He always said the right things, always gentle, always kind. He knew me so well that he heard a click on my phone and asked “did you just look at a picture of me on your phone?” and I denied it (though I was), he said “don’t worry, I was looking at a picture of you too.” We were so happy together that we’d go out the entire day, and still talk on the phone until we fall asleep. Sometimes, we’d even see eachother right away when we talked until day break without realizing it. This went on for a month and some.

I was originally his date for Valentines day. The day before that, he then suddenly referred to me as “friend” and “buddy.” He even went as far as suggesting me to start seeing his friends romantically. He then told me he only thought he liked me, but it’s a mistake. He then went clubbing with another girl on Valentines day, and 2 days later, was officially dating her. He stopped talking to me completely. Upon questioning why, I was called “crazy” and “obsessive” and whatnot.

Present:

Now that we bump into eachother 3 years later… he pretends he doesn’t know me..and I, the same (What else could I do? Beg him to talk?). I’ve messaged him several times, just to ask how he’s doing, without ever getting a reply. I’ve tried to forget about it and deleted everything between us, including his number. I've found someone a trillion times better, and still, I cannot accept this sudden abrupt ending without an explanation. Is it because he’s a frat boy? Was he with another girl the same time he was with me? Is it impossible to be friends?

What went wrong?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 11:02:55 GMT

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"